A place to remind you the simple things in life that really matter.

16 September 2010

Words For People Pleaser

When you finally realized how much time and energy has been wasted in the process of trying to please others, you immediately hate yourself. The next thing that happen (if you're lucky), you find yourself on a different path entirely, walking tall and become a bit wiser. What you've learned along the way was the fact that depending your emotions on man is never going to satisfy your being. Now you look forward and think, 'what should be my next step?' 

Sure..Congratulations.. Finally, you think you've been through a lot and learn a lot more, but is that really it?  With all the above knowledge, is it completely transforming you to be more yourself and not other people's doormat?

Answer these questions below and see for yourself;

  • 1.       Are most criticism still 'personal' to you?
  • 2.       Do you still feel that pinch of fear of rejection?
  • 3.       Do you still find it hard to express your true feelings? Maybe because you don't want to hurt others?
  • 4.       Do you still have difficulty saying 'no'?

The truth is, even when you understand the concept, stop being a people pleaser required time, energy and hard-work. Don't be surprised if it does not happen over night. You have to bare in mind that things worth having worth all the effort to acquire.

Here are some suggestions on reducing the tendency to please people unnecessarily; 
  1.  Practice being 2 seconds slower to answer: When someone ask you to do something, instead of hurry up saying 'yes' just because you don't want the person to wait for so long, stop and give yourself at least 2 seconds to think about it. You are not a robot. There's no specific time to answer to anybody. Respect your time and use it wisely. It is likely that, given more time, you'll be able to think things clearer and have proper answer to give.
  2.  Practice saying 'no': Try saying 'no' with only short reason. Don't try to lengthy explain yourself why your answer is 'no', it gives the impression that you feel guilty about doing so. Remind yourself of the fact that you as an individual have choices and make your own decision.
  3. Find time for yourself: Don't ever feel guilty of taking care of yourself or do things you like to do once in a while. It is only when you are well taken care of that you can take care of other people well.
  4. Get your priority in order and be absolutely honest: This will help greatly. Listen to your thoughts every time before you say 'yes' or 'no'. Base your reason on whether this is according to your priority or not. You don't want to just do things for others and neglect on things that are really matter to you, do you?
  5. Keep your smile modest: Smiling is good, but it could means many things other than you 'being nice'. If under any given times and situations you are smiling, it gives out the wrong message. It is absolutely OK to speak with 'as-a-matter-of-fact face' without any smile if the situation call. There is no law stated that you need to smile even when the person standing in front is stepping all over you. Don't be rude, just keep your face emotionless as your neutral mode.
Do not be afraid that people will stop liking you when you stop doing things for them. Those who do are not ones worth having in your life, and you'll even be better off without them. Go through your life knowing exactly what you want to do is one great wisdom. Remember, practice makes perfect. 
Good luck.


    Jinnia said...

    Very practical and specific tips. #1 is excellent. I've learned to say, "Maybe, tell me more about it." Love #2, don't have to give a lengthy explanation or excuse. I agree that things worth having are worth all the effort to acquire!


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